Like Facebook, but Better

Seen on Facebook, paraphrased from Wisdom Quotes …

“Think about it … God is a lot like Facebook, but better. He “gets” all wall posts and comments. He accepts all friendship requests. He allows people to de-friend Him but He won’t delete anyone from His friends list. He knows when someone is no longer with Him, whenever a friendship comes to an end for some valid reason. For true believers, He is always available for an online chat. He likes everyone’s posts and requests, and He shares messages of love and gratitude through His friends and yours.”

Clever way to say this. Those of us on Facebook can appreciate the comparison, though Facebook is too often trivial and sometimes feels like the exact opposite of God and His grace. That said, this is a new way of looking at God as a true friend, always there with an ear, no matter what you want to “facebook” about.

• You can share anything, in any way you choose … and He will listen.
• You can be there with Him every day or once in a blue moon … and He will still be available.
• You can forget about Him and spend too much time on foolish things that don’t really matter … and He will wait patiently for your return.
• You can be a constant friend or even stop believing in Him … and He won’t hold that against you.
• You can decide to chat at any time of the day or night … and He will be ready at a moment’s notice.
• You can ask for His help … and He will answer you, in His own way.

There is one thing that I know is different … God doesn’t play games. With Him, all things are for real. Interesting perspective to consider … 

Call Your Mother

Advice from the late Charlotte Bloomberg to her son, Mayor Michael of New York … “Call your mother.”

As a son of Notre Dame, this has special meaning for me.

Before my own mother passed away, it meant being there for her, being available for her joy at hearing from me, too often separated by distance. I was impressed that the Mayor was known for calling his mother every day, and embarrassed that I never had that focus. It is a failing I will live with, and one that instructs my frequent contact with my own children, sometimes too much.

I think about Our Lady, the Virgin Mary, and realize I came much too late to the Rosary and to praying to her on a regular basis. One would think that Notre Dame would have made the process easier, but it was there that I stepped away from the Church, from Our Lady and from my own mother for two years. It was a time of rebellion, a time to walk away from the constant religion my mother pushed on me … now I know what a misunderstanding that was. 

“Call your mother” is advice to be taken to heart, before it’s too late. And I know that “call your Father” is just as important … He and She are there for us, if we but call on them. 

Find a Way

“If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.” … Unknown

Our CEO often uses the phrase “All excuses are equal” and I see that too often in our lives. Seth Godin often talks about this in his business blog, the predilection to a lack of action and the use of barriers we ourselves put up, barriers to achievement, effort and success. As a writer I have experienced that … this blog is proof of a very late entry into writing more often for myself, a promise I had been making for years, perhaps decades. I was always just too busy …

Too, this quote from an unknown source relates to what we teach our children every day: Believe it and you can achieve it. That is a hard truth to be sure, but belief is but the first stopping point in success. Action is what’s needed.

So too with our belief in God and in what He asks us to do. It is definitely an important internal need, that belief … but then how do we put it into real action? Do we more often find ways or find excuses? It’s always our choice, we know that … so what small “excuse” am I staring at today, that I can change into a “way” to make a difference for God?

Vertical vs. Horizontal

From the email newsletter Today God is First … “Have you ever been wrongfully accused? Oh, the need to defend and justify becomes so great. "What will people think if they believe these things are true?" we reason. Imagine what Jesus thought as they hurled insults and threats upon Him. The God of the universe had visited planet earth only to be slandered and accused of blasphemy.

Jesus could have done two things in response. He could have used His power to put the people in their place. He could have responded "horizontally." He could have fixed the problem right then. However, He chose to respond in a different way. He chose to "entrust Himself to Him who judges justly."

Ask God to give you the grace to stay vertical with Him. Avoid the temptation of responding horizontally each time some event comes into your life that you want to "fix." Entrust yourself to the one who judges justly. It may be a divine appointment for your growth to another level in grace.”

I am struck by this idea … being and experiencing more vertical than horizontal. It’s such a simple metaphor for how to think more about God and grace, rather than any human slight.

I think about my work day and the meetings I’m so often in, meetings where there is an issue that must be dealt with or fixed. There are ample reasons to fix “it” but often too there is blame associated with “it” … and yes, these secular matters do need to be addressed in order to create success, consistency, understanding and action.

But then I think about the smaller slights we face day to day … we may too often respond horizontally, with anger or despair, with harsh words or the silent treatment, with a hard thought that makes us more upset. What if we looked at issues vertically? We would be much more likely to change our perspective and that is true grace. I pray that I make this more a part of me … because we can grow stronger vertically, and should.

Self-Editing

From CNN, in an article about Holocaust memories … “In the background a clock doesn't tick, it pounds. More than 65 years after World War II, the untold stories of Holocaust survivors -- the dwindling numbers that remain -- will soon be buried forever. If survivors choose to share their stories, with clarity of mind and because it will help them, then wonderful. But they shouldn't feel pressure to open up. If they prefer to take their stories with them to the grave, so be it.

How they've managed to live is by compartmentalizing … we all self-edit our life narratives.”

Think about the memories that Holocaust survivors and World War II veterans have. Harsh and vivid, life changing, disturbing and real, held close and quiet. Impossible to imagine.

I can understand the concept of self-editing in those lives. But I can see that any of us may feel that need, for even less traumatic experiences. We may be ashamed or hurt beyond repair. We may want to hide an unsavory aspect of our past. We may fear the sharing of failure. We may not want to admit truth to ourselves, to others. It may be that we need to self-edit, as a protection mechanism. I can’t say that’s wrong or right.

There is one sure way to free ourselves from that need, through the Sacrament of Confession. There, there are no secrets too harsh to admit. God knows all of our narratives, even if we hide them from the world … that is part of the beauty of having Him as a real force in our lives. With Him, there need be no fear. There is no failure He hasn’t lived through with us. There is no point in self-editing our lives, when we enter that room with our Confessor … we can choose to share, with confidence.

I pray we realize the power of truth in the Confessional … it is freeing.

Heal Me

A quote from the minister TD Jakes … “It takes time for even a small cut to heal. Healing is a process and it takes time. God will give you the oil of compassion and the sweet wind of a sincere love to pour into the wounds.”

I like this quote for lots of reasons. Most importantly, it reminds me that tomorrow is another day. The “cut” I feel today … a disappointment, a frustration, a personal failure, a time of despair or upset, a disparaging word, an unjust act … will in fact be gone tomorrow, soothed by the salve of time and faith. In the moment, it may be hard to see the power of that healing process, but it can begin almost immediately, if you share the healing with a higher power. We are resilient and never more so than when we give our hurts a home in God.

May we realize that the oil and sweet wind of healing that the minister speaks of is a constant. It is there for the taking. It does not happen if we don’t allow it, but only if we offer the “cut” up … that is a gift we share, and one that makes any wound easier to heal, in time.

Father

"Father - to God himself we cannot give a holier name." ... William Wordsworth


This is a such great way to think about fathers, it really struck me when I saw it. 


God is the example and we are the ones that learn every day, so often from our children but from Him too. We are blessed with the miracle of life, the birth of our children, and learn to carefully nurture those lives, much as He does. We are always there for our children, much as He is. We love our children unconditionally, through good times and bad, much as He does. We are fathers in training and model Him in what we do, say and show.


Being a father is a gift I would not trade for anything ... my children and my wife make my life matter, more than anything else ever could. I pray that all fathers appreciate their calling, because there is nothing holier. And I thank my children for the privilege of leading them ...

Use Everything

Erma Bombeck once wrote, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and that I could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."

Few people today remember Erma, but she was wise and funny all at once. She was an inspiration, the Oprah before there was an Oprah. Hugely popular and a truly giving person.

The point she makes is true for us all. We have gifts unique to us, talents we know and others we figure out later. Finding them … and finding ways to express them … is one of our jobs, maybe one of our most important. We can look at our lives and realize we are in fact filled with talent, but we may not fully appreciate it.

But here’s the thing … a single mother has a rare talent, keeping her family together and raising responsible citizens … a senior citizen has a rare talent, sharing knowledge and memories and a more tender care for life … a businesswoman has a rare talent, building a company that employs people that don’t have the resources to do it for themselves … a priest has a rare talent and an opportunity to bring people the comfort of faith … and you too have a rare talent, whatever it may be. And your talent never ends. It builds on itself, changing shape with time and experience, revealing itself in many different ways and many different places.

I pray that, like Erma, we can stand before God someday and know that we did in fact use everything we were given … every last bit.

Grammar for Life

From the Wisdom Quotes page on Facebook …

Live in the active voice … think more about what you make happen than what happens to you.
Live in the present tense … without regret for the past or worry for the future.
Live in the first person … knowing yourself rather than finding fault with others.
Live in a singular number … caring more for the approval of your own conscience than for the applause of the crowd.

Not much to add to this list … the point is to live for your own self, not for others. We get too easily overwhelmed with life, concerned about the wrong things, swayed by what's petty or fun. We don't listen to ourselves enough. We need "Me Time" in order to live this way ... I pray we can find it more and more. It can be a salvation ...   

Take Notice

My hometown paper had an article about Brigitte Gann, a woman suffering from Lou Gehrig’s disease, ALS. She can no longer speak, but this is one of her written responses to the Question: What is your idea of mortality?

“We all think we will live forever and we plan our lives accordingly. If you ever watched the movie “Tuesdays with Morrie” or read the book, Morrie said, “When you know how to die, you learn how to live.” Nothing could be more true.

I have learned what is important and what is not. The truth is all any of us have is today. I have understood that truth for a very long time. My sister lost her life in the blink of an eye. My husband Jay and I both have faced our mortality more than once. Jay had a heart attack 12 years ago on April 9, 1999. He was bitten by a copperhead snake. He nearly bled to death following a routine sinus surgery. I was in a serious car accident at the age of 18. I was told I may have ovarian cancer in 2004 but thankfully did not. I had chest pain in 2006 and had to be rushed to the hospital and had two blockages requiring stents.

This diagnosis of ALS is cruel and heartless. But on the other hand, I have been given a gift: A gift of time to settle my affairs and shower love on all the people in my life. So many people do not get that gift of “notice”. My advice to everyone would be to make their own gift of notice by living today as though they had been diagnosed. Learn how to die so you can learn how to live … and do it while you can.”

A clear and convincing message, from someone who knows, really knows, the true value of life and of time.

Not many of us think about the issue of “notice”, of knowing in advance that we have a limit to our days. But the fact is we all do have a limit, and we know it right now. It is a fact that many people avoid, and yet there it is, in our future. Not yet blocking our path but instead patiently waiting somewhere down the road, just around one of the corners we may or may not see coming.

The reality is that there is no real need for a dire diagnosis … we know our days are numbered. And that is a good thing, taken from the viewpoint of eternal life. Until that final day comes, let’s not just mark time … take the time to live life, assure your affairs are always in order, shower love on the people in your life … and do it while we can.

The New Face of Poverty

An article from the Greensboro newspaper … worth the read:

They don’t look poor. Until they show you. There’s the refrigerator dotted with family pictures. Open it. It’s empty. The pantry: empty. Cupboards: empty. Under the sink: watered-down dishwasher detergent. In the bathroom: McDonald’s napkins for toilet paper.

The walls are bare, not by design but by choice, in case they need to leave quickly. Pull up a chair. You’re welcome to stay for dinner. As long as you like soup.

Poverty has a new face: families. In May, 13.9 million people were unemployed — more than at any other time on record — according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And with unemployment so high for so long, most economists predict it will take years before the country will fully recover. To say nothing of the American family. Since the recession hit in December 2007, they’ve been dropping out of the middle class in droves. And falling deeper into poverty.

At Mary’s House, a Greensboro shelter for women and children, staffers have heard something equally as heartbreaking: former donors asking for assistance. “You have always had the chronically poor, but this is as bad as I’ve ever seen,” says Craig Thomas, the passionate 62-year-old executive director. “These are people who never had to ask for help in their lives. Never. The adults I feel bad for ...” Thomas has to stop for a second. “The children haunt me. They’re innocent victims in all this.”

This is why our company focuses so much on helping the homeless, the people much less fortunate than most of us. They are not just the stereotype you may have in your minds. They are families, moms and dads and children. Lives changed in ways they never expected. And make no mistake … it could happen to many of us. These are difficult days and we are blessed if we are employed, safely housed and able to feed our families. There are so many that are on the edge or over it. I pray we keep them in mind, and help however we can.

You, Already Free

A Facebook post from a new friend, Andrew Burling … “The key to being free is the revelation that you already are. You are free to choose your thoughts, you are free to choose your words and you are free to choose your actions. Those three things create your life.”

Well said and so true. And we know this, of course … but isn’t it also true that too often our own freedom is undermined?

Sometimes it’s our own doing … we think the wrong thing or doubt our abilities, we speak without thinking or even lash out in ways that will come back to haunt us, we take what we know is not the best action because it’s easier or safer. more expedient. We make the choices that constrain us rather than the choices that can open our lives to greater success. We turn away from opportunity, in fear. It happens more often than we’d like to admit.

Sometimes the limitations to our freedom come from outside of us. Situations may put us in difficult spots where we don’t feel we can express ourselves … in our thoughts, words or actions … in the way we’d normally choose. We may feel helpless, stuck. We may even feel like we’re getting run over, as if we don’t exist.

But obviously we do exist, and it is freeing to realize … truly realize, deeply realize … that WE are in control. We are in fact already free to focus or refocus our lives, to create a more positive vibe in our minds and through our words. And by far most importantly, we can make new choices and act on them. Every day.

Isn’t that the only way to create the lives we seek? God gives us each the mind that can choose the right thoughts, the voice that can choose the best words, the will to choose the precise actions that will help us build the lives we long for. That is true grace, a blessing there for the taking. With God’s help, I pray we each internalize that freedom, breathe it in and own it … it is the best and only way to create the life you want, and the life you deserve.

Stand Up

"Fall seven times, stand up eight.: ... Japanese Proverb

It’s the key to a great life. Call it attitude or persistence or stubbornness. Call it courage or bravery or guts. Call it faith.

Whatever you call it, it is your inner will to live, to fight on, to transcend every challenge ... it is that which defines you. It is your soul showing itself to the world. It is your best trait and the clearest proof of your faith, in yourself and in the God that provides.

Never think that you can’t do it, whatever “it” is … your faith will carry you through. 

The Comma

“Never put a period, where God has placed a comma.” -- George Burns

Nicely said. And by the man who actually played God ... 

We tend to think in terms of black and white. Life affects us in strange ways, and too often we are negative in how we project the future. Sometimes that negativity affects our health. I myself suffered though this and came out of it stronger with the help of my family and faith in Jesus. So the quote resonates with me, because I have seen "endings" become new beginnings ... you have too.

There is always hope in the comma. God provides us with inborn hope, with every breath we take. Yes, there is a period out there for each of us. But until then, we have life, and hopes, and dreams, and accomplishments that we revel in, and failures that we learn from. We do get knocked down but what do we usually do? We get back up again. And again and again.

I pray that I never put an artificial period where one was not meant to be ... let me live knowing that there is always a comma, a continuation to the story, a lesson yet to be learned, a path that will open before me. I like George Burns a lot, because he is wise ... like God.

The CAN

Saw an interesting post from one of our LIMU Members, Cindy Hockenjos, relating part of a Joyce Meyer message ... "Miracles come in CANS" ... I haven't heard the actual message but it definitely made me think.


Our lives are miracles in and of themselves. If you really stop to think of what the human body needs to accomplish every second, you wonder at the miracle of it. If you have ever seen a Body Works exhibit looking inside the human body and its intricate systems, you know what I mean. Standing here, whether well or ill, we are living miracles.


Our minds are a miracle too, not just physically but in what they are capable of, the range of human emotion that they encompass. And here is where I see most clearly the message about CANS. We can in fact create our own miracles, if we believe. We can in fact change the course of our lives, if we believe. If we can see it and believe it, in our hearts and in our souls and in our minds, it is possible. It is often in the CAN that we find the solution we seek.


I know the component of faith is huge in this context ... both religious faith and personal faith in the self. It is because He DID, that I CAN. It is because He created me, a miracle, that I CAN walk in His path and create my own miracles, whether as a parent or as teacher or as an innovator. Because He believes in me, I CAN believe in myself ... and there seems to me no greater power than understanding that you CAN, every single day.

But They Also Linger

Seen on a Sportscenter profile of a 22-year old coxswain who died of lung cancer ... From her mother: "Whatever the pain has been, and it is more than you can ever imagine ... every moment of pain is worth the joy that she brought to me, every minute of the pain is worth it." From the narrator: "Lives end but they also linger ... "


We all have a lingering memory of someone who has died. Someone close or someone farther outside our circle, someone who affected us. And the fact is every life ends and also lingers in our memory. As I get older, I realize that there are so many people that have touched me, people I will remember on their passing or even in my final days. I see the daughter and the mother in this feature, and know I am and will be both.


Living away from my hometown, one of the first things I do every morning is check the Greensboro paper online to see if anyone I know has died. It's not at all a morbid exercise, though it does keep me in touch with my own mortality ... I only look to celebrate their life in some way, even if only in a guest book post for their family. Every life counts. That I know well, and more well as I get closer to my own obituary. There too I don't see it morbidly ... it is a reality for us all.


Lives end but they linger deeply ... I pray I remember that every day, and bring more joy than pain every day.

Small Deeds

From Robert Ahola on Facebook … “Great acts are made up of small deeds.” … Lao Tzu. Robert goes on to say … “Much respect, admiration and honor goes to the Japanese people for the impeccable way they have handled their catastrophic natural disaster. Their integrity, dignity and humanity is a model for the world.”

It has been almost three months since the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, and there is no doubt that life continues to be very difficult for the people there. As we have seen, their response has been amazing and inspiring, the very essence of faith and dedication. The disasters' impact will last forever, as will their example of just how each person can make even the direst of circumstances an opportunity to do the right thing, with dignity.

Small deeds, person by person, make all the difference. We exist moment to moment in lives filled with opportunities for "small deeds" ... usually nothing dramatic, but countless chances to affect those around us in small ways and large. And to affect ourselves, in the moment and as our enduring memory. We turn away from those moments at our peril, because there are so many others waiting and even hungry for our impact.

I pray that it is not disaster that impels us to positive deeds that ripple outward, but instead our inborn spirit and humanity ... every small deed may not lead to great acts, but we can never tell which combination of small deeds will be remembered as our legacy.

It's About You

From Wisdom Quotes ... "Life is not a race but a journey to be savored every step of the way."

The website listed some of the rules for the journey and I could have written a separate blog for each one of these. But I wanted to share them all and just say this ... it's about YOU. It's about what you think about yourself, what you consider important to your own life, what you choose to do that makes you happy and satisfied with your contribution to the world. Every one of us has that choice, and every choice is as valid as the next, if it is worthy of our life. So listen to your soul, make your own path and know that integrity, confidence, persistence, courage, vision and peace are yours ... enjoy the journey, whatever rules you live by. That is what God expects of you and from you, so be aware of your path ... 

• Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
• Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
• Don't give up when you still have something left to give. Nothing is really over till the moment you stop trying.
• Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn to be brave.
• Don't dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose.
• Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been but where you’re going.

The Holy and Hidden Heart

Seen in Wisdom Quotes … “Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. Touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are sacred moments and life itself is grace.” … Frederick Buechner

Great advice. Maybe the best we could ever take.

We spend altogether too much time wondering about what’s "next" in our lives and altogether too little time in wonder about what he calls the “fathomless mystery” that life is. Life is such a gift ... think about it. Don't think about the details. Just think about the largest picture of your life ... every breath you take ... the way the human body is built and works ... the way the eyes see and the ears hear and the brain thinks ... the hope that you can create in yourself and the love you can give to others ... the soul you harbor. All of it an immense mystery.

Every moment on this side of the grass is indeed sacred. Those that have passed on would give anything for just one of those moments. As he says, life itself is grace ... enjoy it, live it, thrive in it. Don't waste a moment because life is precious, and short ... pray on that today.

The Point of No Regret

A Facebook post from BC Fleming, a soldier who was blown up and almost killed in Iraq, and is now a motivational speaker … “What I thought when I felt I was on my deathbed: 1.”I didn’t do enough with my life.” 2. “What did I do that mattered?” 3. “Why didn’t I treat people better?” If you aren’t living your life with others in mind, I feel sorry for you, because you’re going to ask the same regretful questions I did when your life comes to an end.”

Brian Fleming calls himself “Blown Up Guy” because he was hit by an IUD on patrol but lived to see another day. The picture says it all. Or does it?

For me, the “pictures” … what happens to us and whatever pictures we have in our own lives … are the cause, and the emotions … the feelings, the changes and the questions we have to answer … are the effect. It is the questions we ask ourselves when something happens that matter first, and then what truly matters most is our response. Our attitude. Our change in perspective.

The key word in his quote for me is regretful. What can we do today, to minimize our regret later? That’s really the point of his statement … because the pain of regret is one of the heaviest weights we can bear. How can we lessen that burden? Worth thinking about that.

Love Away

‎"None of us has the power to make someone else love us. But we all have the power to give away love, to love other people. And if we do so, we change the kind of person we are, and we change the kind of world we live in." … Rabbi Harold Kus.

You hear people say that “it’s all about you” … most often, that is said in a negative way. And yet, as this quote so eloquently states, it is in fact all about you. You shape yourself and your world. There is no one else that can do it better.

Beyond the fact that Jesus commanded us to the task of giving away love, it is in our nature from the very beginning. As babies, we snuggle and cuddle … we hug and kiss … we laugh when someone makes a funny face … all expressions of love when we cannot speak. Most often, we take care of our bodies … we follow the law … we do the right things … we love ourselves. Those too are expressions of love.

But the greatest power is surely in giving love away. Much as Jesus did. Much as my Emmaus brothers do. Much as my family does, to each other. Much as we try to do with a smile, an opened door, a courteous wave in traffic. We give away love every day, in ways we never realize … it is just a gift we have, a gift that God granted us.

I think of all the ways I can express love to others … this blog is one, but almost every hour there are several that I can think of. Responding in kindness to an email counts. So do Facebook posts for birthdays and thank you cards and letters. So does taking the time to read and think. So does really listening to what others are saying. The act of giving love away is unending … do it more and we will change the world more than we can imagine.

Today’s post from Ralph Waldo Emerson fits in perfectly … “Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative.”

And the 30-day action prompt today does as well: It is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today in only one sentence?

Here is mine: Today is always the best day to give your love away, because it most becomes you to share that gift as often and deeply as you can ... what is yours?